The joy of electrolysis

Or how it takes a really long time so please find an electrologist you like.

I began electrolysis… wow, almost two years ago now? Three? Two. I don’t know. It feels like a really long time, because it is the process of electrocuting and then removing your hairs, one at a time.

Then, and this is important to understand, they can still grow back, though they will be thinner and weaker. Also, many of your hairs are not currently growing, as hair grows in waves. Destroy one patch, and in a few weeks other hairs will have grown in the same place. What I’m saying is, it takes a long time to see any real progress.

That said, the government allows electrolysis to be described as “hair removal,” rather than just hair reduction like laser hair removal. So, want the hairs all gone? Electrolysis is the way.

Just expect it to take a while. Which is why it is really important to find an electrologist you like, because you’re going to spend a hundred or more hours in their presence. If you don’t like each other, that’s going to be more excruciating than the pain.

I lucked out, love my electrologists. They are a local daughter and mother pair, one works on my beard, the other on my eyebrows, chest, and any miscellaneous body hairs that irritate me. (Not at the same time, I alternate appointments.) They are funny and caring and affirming and just lovely people. I miss them, actually, when one of us has to cancel for one reason or another.

Maybe you’re thinking about electrolysis. Here are some tips:

• How much does it cost? Well, sorry to bear bad news, but electrolysis is expensive. I pay about $80 or so an hour, and that might be low, frankly. I used to go every week, but I’ve had to cut back to every other week.
• How long does it take? The rule I’ve been told is that beards will take about 100 hours to clear completely. If you went for one hour every week, it would take two years. (And cost $8,000.)
• Wow. So… is it worth it? Yes? I mean, I’m going to keep doing it. I’ve been doing my beard for a year at this point, and I definitely see some permanent thinning. But it has been frustrating at times when she clears a patch and then it just seems to grow back in for the next time. There are plenty of stories out there of people doing this and it working, so, I’m keeping the faith. Also, shaving sucks.
• Unlike laser, where the want you to shave beforehand, with electrolysis they need you to grow your hairs out. In my case, I need to have about four days of beard growth. That means that my dysphoric self needs to grow a beard every other week. It sucks. A lot. It makes me want to go five days a week just to get it done faster (but ow! and also spendy!). So far I am doing my best to grin and bear it. Nobody in my life has asked why I keep growing a short white beard every other week. I guess that’s great, but I’d also like to talk to people (who are not my therapist) about how much it sucks.
• Does it hurt? Yes. Yes it does. I have a high pain threshold, so I am fine with it for the most part. There have been a couple of times when it has been weird, though, like my body has gotten twitchy and I’ve had to ask her to stop for a minute. And there are definitely areas that hurt more than others, like right under my nose. OMG, that makes the tears come. And then there’s the swelling. I’ve only experienced swelling with the beard work, but the tissue is being zapped, so yeah, the body tries to help by sending blood cells there and there is swelling. It can be significant, but it always subsides. Once I had a portion of my neck that was numb for a few days (known possibility), and more than once I have had an eyeshadow “black eye” when she hit a small capillary while working on my eyebrows, also a known possibility.
• You want to remove hair in the groin before bottom surgery? Yeah, plan ahead. You’ll need at least a year, or the fortitude to go several times a week. Get going now, if this is a goal of yours.
• If you have lots of hair, go do some laser hair removal before doing electrolysis. It is cheaper per hair, and while it won’t get rid of all your hair, it will thin the thicket considerably, leaving less for the electrologist to pluck. Time is still an issue, as they will want you to go five weeks between treatments.

If you’re clearing whole areas you’re going to develop a relationship with your electrologist, there’s no way around it. Please, if you don’t click, find another. Let me know in the comments if I missed anything, or if you have any questions.