Come As You Are

I didn’t read much in 2020, a fact highlighted by my bedside table’s stack of unread books, which is now taller than the bedside lamp. But among the few books I did read, there’s no competition. Come As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski was the best book I’ve read in a while, not just in 2020. 

I recommend it to every woman I know, and anybody who has sex with women, or wants to. I learned so much, about women, about myself, about what is going on in our collective heads, and in our collective relationships. If you’re not sure, I will gladly give you my copy (and order myself another). I got a copy for my 17 year-old son. Dr. Nagoski is clever, her writing accessible, and she’s a geek at heart, sprinkling examples and references to everything from Groundhog Day to Hedwig and the Angry Inch, from Jane Eyre to Slings & Arrows, and many more besides. I found myself reading passages aloud (on our deck, sorry/not sorry, neighbors!), which is a pretty good sign for me of how good a book is. Paraphrasing from the conclusion chapter, she writes, “I wrote this book to teach women to live with confidence and joy… I wrote it because I am done living in a world where women are lied to about their bodies; where women are objects of sexual desire but not subjects of sexual pleasure; where sex is used as a weapon against women; and where women believe their bodies are broken, simply because those bodies are not male.”

Preach!